AWOL from myself

Trapped in an endless carnival hall of mirrors. Every mirror casts the reflection of my own demons, pains, and sorrow. I feel myself morphing like a demon. Frozen in panic and fear. Sedated in my own brain, held prisoner. Every image reflected on the glass has to be questioned, is it my own?  Every step forward disorients me more.  The laws of our physical dimension melt away. Up becomes down and down is the only direction I feel. Gravity pays special attention to me, hitting me with an extra dose of force that I feel as if I have a rucksack on.

Somewhere in the distance, the hall of mirrors must be on fire. The smell of burning bridges back to my sanity. A sensation that with every breath of trying to find my bearings, I am reminded, if even only slightly, of the problems I am facing.

I am missing in action behind the front lines of my own brain. The person I use to be and the person I am now, a Jekyll and Hyde. I can no longer see where one end is and the other begins. I feel the tethers that hold me down are being cast off one by one. Alert enough to know what is going on, and trying to slam on the brakes before I go over the cliff, yet sliding over ice, traction is impossible.

I feel I am heading for my own personal big bang, my stardust being completely scrambled in an omelet of pain and torture. I am but a vagabond in my own consciousness. The spark is fleeting and the torch runner is mired down in the mud.

How do I come home?

The photograph is from the Coso volcanic range located in Inyo County, California.