Bipolar ramblings – The torment of drugs. Part I

The first time I agreed to see a psychiatrist, after years of denial and refusal, it did not go what would be professionally unprofessional good… At all…

As I sit there rattling off a story that I had only recently even pieced together myself, I thought he was listening. I mean, he asked. And he was typing on his little keyboard.

Click clack click clack… Now that I think about it, he was probably playing pong. Pong? Not sure if it should be a big P.

Click click click

I bet the inside of his keyboard is disgusting. Why have we not come up with a better system yet? I if it is real, fuck whatever your Apple has. If not, my bad.

So hair and dried ketchup. Since he is playing Pong, that means I am Lumgburg. The agony.

Looking back on me where I was at the beginning of the story, eventually, he told me to stop. I figured as much. Time and all.

He hands me a paper. Like a recipe, he mixed up several drugs.

So I took them? Silly now. So those did not go well.

A whole bunch of drugs were given, and come back in a few weeks. Okay… Thanks and all.

I had to stop taking because I almost ran over a formation of soldiers. It was bad. And oh, yeah you are supposed to wean off of all of the drugs that I was not supposed to be on.

I am a mechanic among other things. If you are fixing or troubleshooting you isolate items so that you can gain knowledge and observe patterns and implement improvements. The same is seen in medication. So one medicine is okay. Adjust as necessary. More than one? Asking for trouble.

Oh, I would see a dozen psychology type people if not more. Tested and observed. Listened and communicated with. It was not until my wife, who has an advanced degree in psychology, brought up I might be Bipolar. I bring it up because the Bi-pi does not roll well with anti-depressants.

The last appt for me was the day before we moved out of state. My doc missed. So I saw a substitute. Civilian Army type. I was able to talk for 10 minutes. He said he thinks I am not only Bipolar with rapid cycling but also borderline personality. Given the right drug.

Things slowly get better over years. So much problem with psych people in the Army and VA healthcare system.

No care or compassion. It is typically crushed out of the good ones. Or wasted in the wrong task. And then you have the pieces of shit. Ohhhhhhh so many of those. I even have a story or two about that very thing.

So weed…