Breaking News, The Trump of MAGAnistan has ordered the 1st Trump Cavalry Division to destroy, “Little hairy Phil,” in an effort to combat Golf Course Warming.
After a 45 day campaign, things are not looking good. The 101st Trump Airborne Division was sent in for support but got lost on the way. 1st Trump is reporting a minimum loss of 50% of Trump Armor and 61% casualties.
The Grand Wizard Ann Coulters water diet spell determined that “Hairy ratfaced Phil,” works for ISIS and potentially is a Hillary conspiracy. “All options are on the table, in fact, we are increasing coal mining to combat Phil as we speak.”
Breaking News, 114 days into operation “Rat Fuck Phil,” no sighting of Phil have been made. The wildfires from the Napalm strikes have spread to three new Penal Colony’s. The Trump Air Patrol was militarized, but the government is shut down with threats to shut it down more.
Breaking News: After 137 days and untold losses of Trump Military, The Trump of MAGAnistan offers Trustworthy Phil a position as The Warden of Penal Colony LMNOP and is tasked with fixing the nuclear wastelands within the next year.
At the funeral for “Honest Abe Phil,” The Trump suggested he was murdered by Russian ISIS agents. Over 60 poisons, all linked to the Trump Federal Chemical Factory, a Johnson’s and Johnson’s family brand, were in Phil’s chemical stream.