A wartime comedy – The broken window theory

“Good afternoon sir, we are here to help you. How can we help you?”

Well, a bullet came through my window.

“Where is the window that is damaged?”

Well, it used to be here, that was before a bomb blew up the rest of the house.

“So you don’t have a broken window?”

I had one, now I have many.

“You still have not shown us the broken window.”

Well, the house was kind of with the package wasn’t it? I mean with the bomb and all.

“Are you requesting an investigation on the bombing of the home?”

Is that not what we are doing here?

“No sir, you put in a request for a broken window.”

Yes, and after that the bomb went off.

“So you want to be reimbursed for a window that you cannot prove we broke?”

But you did, the bullet, the bomb, take your pick.

“We do not pick. You placed a window issue, not a home issue.

I did not know that the home would be gone, I assumed it was just the window since that is what was broken after all.

“Sir, keep your voice down.”

What?

“From the looks of it, you are trying to defraud the government.”

How am I defrauding the government? The government dehomed me.

“There is no such thing as dehoming.”

Then what will I do for a home?

“Go to the community building with proof of residence and references and you will receive rationings.”

I have no proof of residence, the proof is in front of you.

“Are you here legally sir?”

Yes…

“Where are you from?”

Umm… here…

“I am not familiar with “here,” what country is that in?”

*points at ground*

“Can you show your identification?”

It burned up.

“So you have no proof of residence nor identification?”

Nope, still in the same burned up home.

“Okay, well the fee will be $2,172.88”

Excuse me? Is this a joke?

“We never joke. And there is also a specific law saying we do not dehome.”

But, you said it did not exist?

“It does not.”

But you have a law about it?

“Yes, to protect you from it.”

But it is not real?

“Correct.”

How?

“Because we have a law about it preventing it, thus making it not real.”

You have a law against something that is not real with the sheer exception of you saying it is not real but the protection from it keeps it from being real.

“Lots.”

Lots?

“Yes, we have lots of laws about things that are not real.”

Like?

“Broken window falsification, which is why you have to pay the $2,832.33.””

I thought it was $2,172.88

“Interest.”

You charge interest over the course of ten minutes?

“Yes.”

But you have no interest in my broken window?

“What broken window?”

“Since you cannot prove you are a resident, do not trespass at the community center.”

But I live here.

“Not by the looks of it.”

Then what can I do?

“Trespassing at the bridge is popular.”

You are suggesting I do something illegal?

“No.”

But you said to go to the bridge, that is trespassing, which you told me not to do.

“Because it is illegal.”

Going to the bridge?

“No trespassing.”

But you told me to go there.

“No, we said it is popular.”

But I asked for help.

“Rather broadly, you tried to get us to investigate a broken window.”

Well, now it is a broken home.

“We do not have paperwork for a broken home.”

I filed it later.

“You are becoming circular and illogical. This is an excess of burden and therefore will incur a 10% tax.”