Mental health – On intrusive thoughts

Some of my worst intrusive thoughts lately were my schizophrenic alter telling me to light the stent string hanging out of my urinary system on fire and showing me the flame going up and all the pain associated with it. When I said no it showed me *violently* ripping it out. The other image was that of it getting lost inside of me, having to go in for surgery to have it removed.

Kidney stone surgery was plum awful.

I had to pull out the stent days early and just suffer the pain of kidney stone shrapnel because couldn’t take it anymore. I begged the urologist to put me under and remove it, explaining my situation and they blew me off and said come in 4 days later. It is amazingly hard for people to believe that your mind could be so awful.

Genital mutilation has been been a part of my intrusive thoughts since I was a child.

Thankfully they are not limited to that though. They spice things up. Take the oven, for example, I cannot be around my wife while she cooks because I always see her falling into the oven. Nightmarish. Fishing is supposed to be calming, but even as a kid every time I cast the line, I would imagine the hook catching my eye or my ear. A lot of damage to the eye as well as a constant theme of my intrusive thoughts.